4 Irreplaceable Practices of Emotionally Healthy Leaders
It seems as if adrenaline has become the drug of choice in our culture.
And there does not seem to be much distinction between the marketplace pace and the non-profit ministry world.
I know I’m guilty of it and you probably are as well.
“When margin decreases, stress increases.” -Craig Groeschel
I often over-fill my life, calendar, house, budget and commitments.
But there are some valuable lessons l have picked up along the way I’d love to share with you.
Rest assured, I’m not one of those people who thinks we should all just run for the hills and disengage from the world around us-FAR from it!
I just know that I am continually looking for healthy rhythms for my own life and family while trying continuing to engage others at a high-level.
I grew up in a first-generation Christian family.
We attended very healthy local churches.
I went to an excellent Bible College Elim Bible Institute & College. The training I received was life-changing and destiny-forming.
I just somehow grew in my faith without developing a theology for the soul!
In my spiritual development almost all attention was given to Spirit, which is massively important.
However, we’ve been made in the image of God with a spirit, soul and body.
If you happened to have a well-rounded mentor, walked through a health scare or lost a family member to what seemed like a premature death you might give proper attention to your health. After all, we only get one earth suit!
My experience has been that many Christian leaders give almost all of their focus to their spirit, some give attention to their bodily health, but few pay close attention to the condition of their soul.
I was 100% guilty of this.
As an Enneagram 3 I’m often the last person to prioritize my inner world or stop to unpack emotions.
Who has time for that?? Oh, so I used to think!
Thankfully, through some good coaching and growing self-awareness this has been changing dramatically in my life.
“Soulish” was almost a negative word in many of my circles.
“Soulish” was the category of things we stayed away from.
Is the soul only bad?
Why in the world did God give me one?
The Hierarchy of the Soul.
Do yourself a favor and check out Paul Scanlon’s fantastic message.
Freedom 252 Leadership Training
Steven Andrus, an excellent Christian counselor and one of Freedom Church’s campus pastors led a session in our leadership school recently.
He brilliantly showed how weak the Old Testament leader, King Saul, was in his soul and how it brought down his life, kingdom, and legacy.
Let me share with you some points that really stuck out to me.
“A Christian leader’s greatest tool is a healthy soul.” -Steven Andrus
Practice #1 Emotionally healthy leaders look back to move forward.
At the pace of life most of live, it is far too easy to have a backlog of emotions that go unprocessed.
I knew this was me when I almost burst into tears while exercising at Planet Fitness when I heard this on a Bethel podcast,
“Feelings buried alive don’t die.” -Abi Stumvall
I had just walked through the sudden and unexpected passing of my father, a transition in my previous leadership role, and a family move from New York to Maryland. Needless to say, I had a backlog of emotions that needed to be processed.
We often say, “Don’t live life looking in the rear-view mirror!” We give this challenge to help people move forward with their lives.
That is good advice.
I agree. I say it to crowds and friends.
However, sometimes we need to slow down and unpack the accumulation of unprocessed emotions.
Christian counselors call this your “shadow”. We all have an emotional shadow.
Pete Scazzero addresses this topic very well in his book entitled, The Emotionally Healthy Leader.
What is your shadow?
Your shadow is the accumulation of unexpressed or untamed emotions. It is less than pure motives and thoughts that strongly influence and shape your behaviors.
“The unexamined life is not worth living.” -Socrates
Practice #2 Emotionally healthy leaders grow in self-awareness.
“Self-awareness is the ability to auto correct your inner narrative.” -Paul Scanlon
Self-consciousness causes us to be overly aware and focused on ourselves.
It’s myopic.
It’s narrowing.
It can feed anxiety and insecurity.
Self-awareness is a healthy grasp on who you are (body, soul and spirit) so that you are more equipped to serve others.
Self-consciousness is centered on SELF.
Self-awareness is geared towards OTHERS.
Regularly ask, “what am I feeling?”
This sounds so elementary and emotionally blind, but I’ve begun looking at an emotion wheel on my desktop after hearing Michael Hyatt share how much he struggled to identify exactly which emotion he was feeling.
Tame emotions by naming them.
Our brains crave and thrive on clarity. Name it and you have a better chance of taming it!
Use a genogram.
This simple tool will help you discover generational patterns in your family tree.
“What gets healed in you doesn’t have to get handed down.” -Steven Furtick
Identify negative self-talk.
The story we tell ourselves about ourselves has the power to shape our state of mind in any given situation.
“Your internal story will always be stronger than any external strategy.” -Joshua Finley
Draft a “power-phrase”.
I have a script on my cell phone that I say to myself each morning.
It helps remind myself who I am.
On days when I’m too tired to declare it aloud, I listen to a recording of it on my way to the gym.
Practice #3 Emotionally healthy leaders seek feedback from trustworthy sources.
Psalm 139:23-24 NIV
23 Search me, God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
24 See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.
David’s prayer asked the LORD for help looking inside and navigating those unknown waters.
I’d never recommend doing this with everyone but you have to be able to do this with someone.
“We should fear concealment much more than confession.” -Pierre DuPlessis
Who are you able to confess your failures, fears, doubts or insecurities to?
Integrity invites scrutiny.
We all have blindspots.
We all need feedback.
We all need to be accountable to someone.
“Leaders who are not able to be questioned end up doing questionable things.” -Andy Stanley
Practice #4 Emotionally healthy leaders value contemplation not just completion.
“Solitude is confrontation.” -Eric Peoples
It takes more than good calendar planning to slow down; it takes COURAGE.
When we slow down, we are confronted with what’s really going on in our souls.
Regularly pause and ask yourself, “Not just what am I doing or what am I building but who am I becoming ?”
Please don’t just you write this post off as “touchy” “feely” stuff. (I totally get it. Again I’m an Enneagram 3 who struggles to not make everything about achievement.. LOL.)
“Connectedness in your soul leads to effectiveness in every arena of your life!” -Josh Eldredge
Resources To Help You Develop Your Soul Care Strategy:
John Ortberg, Soul Keeping
Pete Scazzero podcast and books
Paul Scanlon “Prosperity of the Soul” Seminar my Mastermind is hosting Sep 18-19, 2020. (Space is limited to 30)
Lance Witt, Replenish
Wayne Cordeiro, Leading on Empty
Kent Murawski, Rest Assured
Joshua Finley, Breathing Room Series: White Space, Hard Work of Rest, Permission To Pause
Join The Conversation. Leave A Comment.
What Personal Soul Care Practice Have You Found To Be Life-giving?